Ode To a Krappi Kristi Noem

Dearest Kristi Noem,
you intolerable crone.
Why was Homeland Security
mismanaged like a rogue Twilight Zone?

Even Rod Serling
and his imagination
never ever could have conceived
what you’d do to our noble nation.

ICE running amok!
Unmarked vehicles getting stuck!
ICE killing unarmed citizens!
Death to patriotic denizens!

To all Native Tribes
you are called Cricket Killer,
or Empty-Head-Under-Big-Hat,
or Billy Goat Annihilator.

Begone, inept bureaucrat!
Go quickly, hide your dark shame.
Ignore what Lewandowski says.
You, only you, are THE ONE to blame!

Here’s to Kristi Noem, the government secretary
who never learned to type
or think
or read
or handle reality.

And now a Special Note in prose to readers…and this means you, Kristi:

I don’t have to end with this pearl of wisdom, but hey, I’m a nice guy. I want to make sure you realize what’s going to happen to you in the upcoming months — or years. Get ready to be Trump’s latest scapegoat.

Your fate will be similar to those officials involved in Watergate who were merely following orders from POTUS #37. Remember Richard Milhous Nixon? He didn’t go to jail. The ones who did his bidding sure did. H.R. Halderman, John Ehrlichman, John Mitchell, and John Dean got the sticky end of the lollipop. Not Tricky Dicky.

Wake up, Kristi.

When your time comes, you’ll tell the truth. You’ll say you were following orders under the direction of your President — that MAGA-God you can’t stop worshipping. You’ll say whatever you did in Minneapolis was done under the direction of the President.

Then President Donald J. Trump will lie(as usual) and say he had nothing to do with the ICE operations. He’ll say YOU were in charge, YOU made the decisions, YOU were responsible for the snafus and Constitutional breakdowns in Minneapolis.

Then you will go to jail. Is that what you really want? Is that how you really want to spend the rest of your life?

Wise up — NOW. Resign. Then consult a reputable attorney to defend you when you’ll be officially charged with breaking all the laws you so cheerfully ignored when your were Secretary of Homeland Security.

P.S. Don’t count on getting that pardon from The Donald, either.