Kids and Dating

You met the  and have come back each Wednesday to read what they have to say on the newest parenting question. Recently, we invited Wantagh-Seaford Patch parents to join the discussion. 

This week's question was about kids and dating. 

What defines dating for kids these days, and what kind of conversations should you have and have you had with your child about dating? What do you as parents think is an acceptable age for kids start dating? What is the right age for them to begin dating, and where are some local places for teens to enjoy a safe, fun social experience?

Jane Cappiello

Dating is a right of passage. Teenage dating is an experience which most of us have enjoyed. Each of my older children started “dating” around the age of 15. I did not mind them dating at this age. Often friends went out together as a group. was a hot spot on a Friday night. Usually the high school they attended had some sort of activity going on over the weekend. One mom would drive to, another fro. We had it all under control.

As my children got older, they would gather with neighborhood friends in their homes, of course with parents supervising (I think). As time passed, one on one dating began. This is when I was super vigilant. Usually I would send a younger sibling around to spy on older dating siblings. They could report back to me any inappropriate behavior. I instructed the younger one to look for too much kissing. I paid him well. My three older children are now in their 20s with not too much dating trauma. I have to still worry about my youngest child, who is always trying to steal his brother’s girlfriend away! 

Kathleen Vaughan Ware

I remember when my son told me he had a girlfriend. He was in fifth grade. Naturally, his best friend Steven was also dating this girl’s best friend. I tried to just listen and not say too much, after all, he was only in fifth grade. They would all meet to roller skate, or go get a slice of pizza. Seemed innocent enough to me. All of that, however, would change once middle school started.

Middle school is where hormones, puberty and attitudes clash together, thus creating a completely new dynamic to what was once a quiet and calm household. Nights of cuddling and watching a movie with my baby boy were quickly replaced with “Can I have money to go to the movies?” and “Everyone’s hanging out at (insert friend's name here) can you drop me off?” or “Everyone’s meeting at the pizza place, do you have any money?” 

This is when I was forced to accept the fact that my son’s life would include girls, and soon the dating scene began. Since most teenagers only disclose dating information to their parents on a need to know basis, I would find out who was dating who whenever I was the taxi mom. A good taxi mom (or dad) knows to remain silent at all times and listen to everything. This can be extremely difficult, after all, we know better than our offspring.

In order to get the 411 on your teenager’s social circle, you must never give in to the temptation to add your opinion or unwanted advice to their conversation. Although you may think you’re the cool parent by telling a joke or heaven forbid asking a question- don’t do it! This will only lead to a carful of complete silence and humiliating eye rolling by your child as he/she winces in embarrassment.

During the dating years, teenagers are only concerned with hanging out with their friends, going to the movies and buying food. If you really want to tell your son/daughter what you think is a funny story about what happened during your teenage years, consider telling it at home. Alone. Just the two of you.  

The fact of the matter is dating begins at different ages. Most of it depends on your child’s maturity level. When it does happen, try keeping an open mind, and in my case, an open wallet.