North Fork Community Comes Together Sunday To Remember Lori Panarello, 'Truly A Force For Good'

NORTH FORK, NY — The North Fork is coming together Sunday to remember and honor a bright light in the community.

According to North Fork Women on Facebook, on Sunday, "Our community will come together to celebrate the life of Lori Panarello. Lori brought so much joy, laughter and love to the North Fork, and what a beautiful way to honor her, surrounded by the Pride flags and community she loved so much."

Those who loved her will gather on Sunday at Mitchell Park at noon. "It’s especially fitting that this gathering falls on National Coming Out Day. Bring your Pride flags, bring your friends, and come celebrate Lori and all the love she brought into our lives," organizers said.

North Fork Women announced Panarello's loss this week: "It is with heavy hearts that we share the passing of our friend and fellow community member, Lori Panarello. Lori was truly a force for good. She radiated joy, light and kindness, with an infectious smile, a wonderful sense of humor and a spirit that made everyone around her feel welcome."

The post added: "She was passionate, generous and determined, and she believed deeply in standing up for others and making sure everyone had a place where they felt seen, accepted and celebrated.

"Many of us know Lori as the driving force behind bringing the first Pride Parade to Greenport. What began as her vision has become an extraordinary celebration of love, visibility and community, growing larger and stronger each year. It is a lasting reminder of what one person can accomplish when they refuse to take no for an answer."

And, North For Pride said: "Her advocacy extended far beyond the North Fork. Through her work and her nonprofit, Beauty United Against Bullying, Lori brought people together here and around the world to stand against bullying and discrimination. Lori gave so much of herself to this community, and we are all better for having known her. She leaves behind not only the remarkable things she accomplished, but countless memories of laughter, friendship and love. She will be deeply missed.

"Our hearts are with Lori's wife, Catherine, her family, friends and everyone whose lives she touched. In honor of Lori and the incredible legacy she leaves behind, we encourage everyone across the North Fork to proudly fly their Pride flags. Let them be a celebration of her life, her unwavering belief in equality, and the community she worked so hard to bring together. Together, we can carry Lori's legacy forward by continuing to build a community rooted in love, acceptance and equality."

In December as she battled health issues, Panarello needed to close her i.d Salon in Woodbury.

Panarello, a Mattituck resident, shared a statement on the salon's Facebook page. The message states: "Dear clients of ID Salon, it is with great sadness that I announce I have been diagnosed with a brain tumor, necessitating the sale of the salon to ensure the continued well-being of the dedicated staff you have grown to appreciate. I wish to express my deepest gratitude for your loyalty over the years, particularly during challenging times."

The many who loved her shared memories on social media Saturday.

Jess Dunne wrote a heartfelt message of sorrow: "Some people have this quiet way of making everything feel a little lighter. Lori was one of them. When my daughter was in the NICU, Lori brought me into her salon and did my hair completely free of charge, just to give me a moment to breathe, to feel human again, and to feel a little better during one of the hardest times of my life," she said.

She added: "She didn’t make a big deal of it. She just cared. That was who she was. Warm, fun, loving, and generous to the core. The kind of person who made you feel good just by being around her."

When Panarello first got sick, Dunne said, "I started making meals for her. And as much as I wish the circumstances had been different, there was something so meaningful about finally being able to give a little of that kindness back. To nourish someone who had once taken care of me when I needed it. It felt like such a small thing compared to what she had given so many people, but I’m grateful I had the chance to do it."

Through it all, Dunne continued, "Lori never stopped being Lori. Still full of personality, still making people laugh, still that same beautiful soul. Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense why the brightest, most loving people are taken from us far too soon. Lori touched so many lives, probably more than she ever realized. And I hope she knew just how loved she was. Rest gently, my friend. Thank you for being a little bit of light when I needed it most. I’m so grateful our paths crossed. You will be missed so deeply."

Paula DiDonato also mourned a person whose legacy is rich.

"I met Lori years ago when she open Craft hair in Greenport," she said. "I loved how comfortable I felt in her salon and I admired her commitment to bring Pride to Greenport. She talked to me about how much the gay community was contributing to the North Fork and believed a Pride Parade should create a celebration of joy. I was so impressed with Lori's ability to bring all members of the community together and the Greenport Pride Parade is now one of my most favorite days of the year. Lori had an infectious ability to make dreams come true. Lori and her wife Catherine have elevated the dialogue and community on the North Fork and I will miss Lori's leadership and beautiful smile daily."

When the first-ever North Fork Pride Parade & Festival was set to kick off in 2023 in Greenport, Panarello spoke with Patch.

In her memory, an excerpt from that interview, a talk that shines a bright light on her message, follows below:

"Panarello said she moved to the North Fork from Brooklyn 10 years ago and came to realize how many members of the LGBTQ community not only lived in the area but also own businesses. "There's a lot of us out here," she said.

For years, the idea of organizing a Pride parade had been on her mind, Panarello said.

"No one was stepping up to do anything," she said. With the 'Don't Say Gay' bill — which would put the brakes on discussions of gender identity and sexual orientation in schools — along with the fact that some states are trying to abolish the rights of gay and transgender individuals, Panarello felt the time to act had come.

She reached out to her friends Robert Vitali and Brian Rosen at the LGBTQ Network, and together, they worked tirelessly to organize the parade. Many people in the Greenport community also helped, including Mayor Kevin Steussi and others including Linda Kessler, Sandra Benedetto of North Fork Women, and Sara Norton.

"They all jumped in and put in a tremendous amount of time and energy to help me get this together," Panarello said. "I couldn't be more proud that so many people stepped up in the business community, as well as sponsors and friends. The response has been amazing."

Some, Panarello said, showed a bit of resistance, "politely declining" to hang posters in their windows. "But for the most part, about 98 percent have been so fantastic."

Panarello lived in Brooklyn with her wife Catherine Canade; the area, she said, was rich with diversity and inclusivity.

"In Brooklyn, we always thought of it as a bubble," she said. "It's one of the most inclusive places in New York."

When she moved to the North Fork, Panarello said, at first, she noticed a "huge difference," but with the pandemic sending many New York City residents to the area, there's been a shift and discernible change.

So much so that, "in the middle of the biggest disaster of our lives, COVID," Panarello still decided to take the leap and open the doors to her business. "I knew it was the right time, and we're doing extremely well, thanks to the community."

The time was also right for the parade, said Panarello, who previously served on the board of North Fork Women, an organization "committed to health advocacy and education. We develop activities and programs that foster the social and community life of lesbians on the North Fork," the group's mission statement said.

Although the process of organizing the event took about six months and was marked by challenges including permits, press and other tasks, Panarello said a team of volunteers was assembled to help.

"It takes a village, literally," she said.

Panarello said she was not the type of person who seeks accolades. Her reasons for organizing the parade ran deep and were marked by memories of the pain so many have endured for years.

"This parade means more to me than I can say — as a woman who had struggled for many, many years, with every other LGBTQ person, to come out and to be taken seriously on the one end. On the other end, I think this is critical to the future to the kids who have grown up on the North Fork," she said. "Kids who've had no role models and still, to this day, have nowhere to turn. It's a message that we are there for them."

The news is filled with stories of suicides committed by tormented young people who have not been accepted by society or their families, Panarello said.

"That's what this parade means to me," she said. "It's a celebration of the struggle of the past — and it's important for the future. The important message is, people need to know what we've been through."

Discrimination still cloaks daily life for many, even on the North Fork, she said. "Just yesterday, someone told me they'd told a friend they couldn't play pickleball Saturday because they were marching in the parade. The comment from that person was, 'Why do they need a whole month?'"

Panarello added: "People should do the research and see what Pride means and why a Pride month is needed. People think gay pride is about dancing and singing in the street, and having fun. That's not it. It's so much deeper than that. Look at Stonewall. Look what people have been through over the years."

The Stonewall riots followed a police raid of the gay establishment in Greenwich Village in 1969 and stand as a moment when people, long persecuted, stepped up to fight for equality and tolerance.

Even today, Panarello said, there are threats to overturn gay marriage — and trans kids are facing acts of violence and bullying.

"We’ve struggled for years and years, but this is really frightening," Panarello said.

Looking back, Panarello noted just how recently it was that gay individuals couldn't come out in the workplace, for fear of losing their livelihoods; they were also unable to receive unemployment, she said — and today, those same things are happening in the trans community, where individuals cannot find work or secure health insurance.

"It's crazy that we treat other human beings in this way," she said.

That year and forever forward, Panarello urged the community to attend the parade and festival, rain or shine. "Please come out and support us. It's so important to join us and send a message that we are as important as any other human beings. We have a long road ahead of us and obviously, in light of what's going on in the world today, we need as much support as possible."