🏛️ HELP WANTED: Chief Financial Officer — Wilton, CT (Remote-Friendly. Like, Really Remote.)

⚠️ SATIRE / POLITICAL COMMENTARY — NOT A REAL JOB POSTING ⚠️

The Town of Wilton seeks a dynamic, experienced CFO to manage municipal finances, prepare the annual budget, and respond to Board of Finance questions within 4–6 business months.

For full context on the role, prior occupants, and our pioneering management philosophy, please review the job briefing packet at ToniBoucherFanClub.com — specifically Promise #05: The Remote Work Revolution (https://toniboucherfanclub.com).

Responsibilities:

• Oversee a ~$140M budget from the comfort of wherever you happen to be
• Attend BOS meetings via Zoom (camera optional, time zone flexible)
• Reconcile accounts when the spirit moves you
• Locate approximately $100K in unaccounted-for P&Z funds (warm/cold game acceptable) — see the Receipts page at toniboucherfanclub.com/receipts
• Develop a healthy working relationship with the word "eventually"

Preferred Qualifications:

• CPA, MBA, or a really convincing LinkedIn
• Demonstrated ability to hold two full-time municipal jobs simultaneously without anyone in either town noticing for several months
• Fluency in both "I told them" and "she did not tell us" — bonus if you can say both under oath
• Working knowledge of Wyoming time zones a plus
• Comfortable with the term "material weakness" appearing in your performance review (full background reading: toniboucherfanclub.com/finance)

Compensation:

• Competitive salary
• Generous PTO (self-administered)
• $375/hr backup CFO available if you're, say, 2,000 miles away
• Aaa-rated benefits package*

*Benefits package not rated by Moody's. Town finances technically are. We're as surprised as you.

To Apply: Submit résumé, two references, and a notarized statement clarifying which town you currently believe employs you. Or skip the paperwork and just read the full transparency dossier at 👉 https://toniboucherfanclub.com 👈 — it's faster than a FOIA request and twice as honest.

Wilton is an Equal Opportunity Employer and a Suspense-Forward Workplace. This classified is satire / political commentary. Every claim is sourced at toniboucherfanclub.com/receipts.

DISCLAIMER: Satire and civic commentary protected under the First Amendment. Not an official town communication, not a real job posting, and not a statement of fact about any individual. All factual assertions are drawn from public reporting (Good Morning Wilton, CT Insider, The Independent, official town meeting materials) and linked at toniboucherfanclub.com. Nothing herein alleges a crime, fraud, or violation of law by any named person. Not affiliated with or endorsed by Toni Boucher, the Town of Wilton, its boards, PKF O'Connor Davies, or any campaign. Paid for by no one. Composed by residents.