Your Shoes-Off House Rule May Be Stepping On Toes [The Question]

Say you’re that person whose feet stink despite all good hygiene efforts to prevent it. Nothing is necessarily medically wrong with you. Your feet just naturally sweat more than most, and you’re counting on moisture-wicking socks and a good pair of shoes to keep the odor contained.

Or maybe you feel naked without your shoes and self-conscious because, frankly, you’ve got a gnarly set of feet, or going barefoot for even a few hours sets off a revolt in your feet, knees and back.

But your host wants you to take off your shoes and leave them in the foyer in a pile with dozens of other shoes.

What do you do? We asked readers to weigh in for The Question, Patch’s exclusive etiquette column.

Cleanliness was the main argument for a shoes-off rule, but respondents to our informal survey said hosts should give advance notice, provide slippers, nonslip socks, or shoe covers, and make reasonable exceptions.

Others said their shoes make their look, especially at formal gatherings, while others said mingling with people with bare feet and shabby socks makes them queasy.

And if the floors are nasty, or the family dog slobbers on the shoes in the foyer, that’s a threshold some respondents said they’re not willing to cross again any time soon.

‘The Nerve’ Behind Request

Mount Vernon (New York) Patch reader Stacy has seen the embarrassment firsthand at parties where stocking-footed guests had foul-smelling feet.

Stacy carries shoe covers with her and happily obliges her hosts’ wishes. Their reasons for the no-shoes policies may be cultural, or they may just not want their guests to track in the outside world.

If the latter is the case, Stacy wonders, isn’t it reasonable for shoeless guests to expect clean floors?

“Their floor wasn’t clean, and they didn’t offer booties or anything. I’m not walking barefoot in someone else’s home. I had to throw away my socks. Now I keep a pair of booties in my bag at all times,” Stacy said.

She added, “The nerve to request shoes off on floors that aren’t clean, swept, vacuumed and mopped.”

‘You Will Remove Your Shoes’

Patch reader Ellenmelon makes it easy for guests to comply with her strict no-shoes rule.

“You will remove your shoes in my home,” she said. “If you need the paper bootie shoe protectors because you are not able to remove shoes, I will provide those as well. I have a soft bench for you to sit on while you do.”

She had plenty of company among respondents for her reasons.

“I have worked in health care, and I know what gets on shoes. I see men spit, dogs pee, and more. You don’t know all the things you walked through, and I don’t want that in my clean home,” she said. “If you choose not to visit me due to this household preference, I’m OK with it, as I offer options for your comfort.”

Upper Dublin (Pennsylvania) Patch reader ​​Innerlaner draws a hard line, too.

“Most of my guests remove their shoes because my shoes are by the door,” Innerlaner said. “The few who don’t aren’t invited over again. I’ll see or meet them anywhere but my house.”

“Shoes worn every place, including cities, streets, stores, trains and subways, pick up enormous quantities of microbes, germs, etc.,” said Frank, a Bedford (New Hampshire) Patch reader. “Just think of what dogs do on city sidewalks whenever the need arises. And a person’s shoe bottoms pick up all these gross dropping residues.

Newton (Massachusetts) Patch reader Janet said that for health and sanitation reasons, “everyone in the universe should not have outdoor shoes on inside their homes.”

“It’s just gross and dirty,” she said.

The Shoes Make The Outfit

Janet has noticed that at most formal events at someone’s home, she has been told to keep her shoes on.

“Yeah, I guess if people are at a dinner ‘event,’ their outfit would look less complete if they’re walking around in stockings and socks. But as I’m walking around their house in my nice shoes, I think to myself, ‘ewwww.’”

Janet said her guests “pretty much assume” a no-shoes policy. “But we also don’t have fancy dinner parties where people come in heels,” she said.

Fenton (Michigan) Patch reader Bonnie considers her shoes part of her outfit. “I politely remove my shoes, but it is begrudgingly,” she said.

She doesn’t always understand the request, though.

“It has been my experience that the homes where I have been asked to remove my shoes are carpeted homes, usually with pets, which is, in my opinion, more dirty than my shoes,” Bonnie said. “So I am disgusted by their carpet and confused by their logic.”

Deb, who reads Princeton Patch and Long Valley Patch, both in New Jersey, said hosts with a no-shoes policy should suspend it for formal events and cocktail parties “where shoes are part of the attire.”

Also, she said, some shoes and boots are hard to take on and off.

“Make arrangements post-party to have your floors cleaned,” Deb said.

A Northfield (Minnesota) Patch reader agreed with that, saying, “I would not have a party if I didn’t want to wash and vacuum the floors after! Whether it is from ‘shoe dirt,’ wine, soda or food, I still have to clean after!”

‘I Feel Half Naked’

Dee, a Hinsdale-Clarendon (Illinois) Patch reader, isn’t a fan of no-shoes policies.

“I hate removing my shoes — especially sandals, leaving me barefoot. Besides unattractive feet, my balance and comfort are better with my shoes on,” she said.

“I feel half naked when people ask me to do that. We have mats where people can wipe their shoes. We have a dog who goes in and out, so we vacuum and mop our floors,” said S., a Livingston (New Jersey) Patch reader.

“There’s no reason to ask people to disrobe at our door,” the reader said.

Amanda, a Naugatuck (Connecticut) Patch reader who doesn’t feel great about her feet, is put off when asked to remove her shoes but has “tried to live with it out of respect,” she said.

“I personally think if they’re worried about dirt in their house, they should just clean it up instead of making others feel uncomfortable,” Amanda said. “In my opinion, it’d make me not want to come back knowing I’d have to feel exposed.”

Doylestown (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Steven keeps up on shoe etiquette.

“I’ve read a lot about this topic online, and some households take it one step further and ask guests to remove socks, too,” Steven said. “Now, that would be something that would make me raise an eyebrow.”

Steven said it’s been quite a while since someone asked him to take off his shoes. He wouldn’t mind removing his shoes at a close friend’s home but wasn’t so sure what he’d do at the home of someone he doesn’t know well.

“That being said, I do wear orthotics for support, so I would prefer to keep my shoes on unless I absolutely had to take them off,” he said.

‘Weird’: Slippers Others Wore

Slippers graciously offered by hosts aren’t a good substitute for people like West Chester (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Michelle, who never goes without sturdy footwear because of a chronic condition.

“Slippers don’t usually have the support of other shoes, and wearing them for long periods of time actually hurt my feet,” Michelle said. “I prefer to have a box of wipes handy to wipe the bottoms of my soles so I can continue to wear my comfortable brown shoes.”

Randolph (New Jersey) Patch reader Connie turns up her nose when she’s offered slippers. She was taken aback at a community meeting held at someone’s home and was asked to remove her shoes.

“I was wearing Ugg boots without socks and decided my naked feet in the middle of this meeting would be worse than my apparent ignorance. There were no good choices available,” she said.

“I felt weird being asked to put on their slippers, which have been worn by other people,” Connie said.

“I’m aware sometimes this is cultural, but then you have to let people know beforehand,” she said. “When I was growing up in New Jersey, I never once encountered a no-shoes rule. This is a relatively recent development, so lots of people don't expect it.”

Indoor-Outdoor Parties ‘Tedious’

One request came up repeatedly: Give guests a heads-up about a shoes-off policy. If they haven’t, some said, it’s rude to spring it on guests when they arrive.

Manhattan (Illinois) Patch reader John said he “typically refuses” when asked to remove his shoes, “especially if other people at the home still have shoes on.”

“The whole situation is made even more difficult if the party is both indoors and outdoors, making the ordeal tedious when entering and exiting,” John said.

There are no surprises with Sandra, an Upper West Side (New York) Patch reader.

“I send them an email ahead of time. I have a place near the door to sit and some slippers to offer, though most people reject the slippers,” Sandra said. “Anyone with foot issues that require them to keep on shoes is always permitted to do so.”

‘People Have Dirty Feet’

Travelgirl, who reads Morris Township Patch and Passaic Patch AM, both in New Jersey, said her family has come up with a good compromise with a request for “inside shoes.”

“We bring a pair of shoes that have only been worn in our home or other homes. This idea works great. We and others wear one pair and change into our inside shoes at the front door!”

Malvern (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Chris makes sure guests know in advance they’ll be asked to take off their shoes. In warm weather, Chris asks close friends and family to bring along a pair of socks to put on when their shoes come off.

“But this is not strictly enforced,” Chris said. “People have dirty feet, and they are not necessarily cleaner than the soles of their shoes.”

Flexibility on the host’s part is part of making guests feel welcome, said New York City Patch reader Joan.

“We started the shoes-off policy when we had babies crawling on the floor and putting everything in their mouths,” Joan said. “But it has always been optional, no pressure, because we understand how it can be a problem that guests shouldn’t have to explain themselves.”

She added, “Also, we don’t have anyone crawling on and eating off the floor right now.”

About The Question

The Question is an exclusive Patch column on etiquette, everyday ethics and what to do when the rules aren’t quite as clear as everyone pretends they are — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you’d like us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with “The Question” as the subject line.

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