Pets
The Dog Is Family But Isn’t Welcome Everywhere, Including The Grocery Store [The Questio
Even devoted dog owners have limits on where their pets belong, while others ask for "a little bit of grace" for well-behaved dogs.
Even if you cherish your dog as a family member, that doesn’t mean your pet belongs everywhere — especially in restaurants and grocery stores. And if you’re invited to someone else’s house, asking if you can bring your dog can leave your host struggling with how to say no.
That’s the consensus of readers answering an informal survey for The Question, Patch’s exclusive etiquette column. We asked if it’s rude for dog owners to take their pooch to someone else’s home without asking and also if the assumption that dogs are welcome everywhere has gone too far.
The survey drew some sharp responses from readers. There’s Gary, a La Grange (Illinois) Patch reader, who said the only place a dog belongs is on its owner’s property. Period.
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“No one seems to take into account the pollution that can be attributed to pets. Think of all the energy spent on manufacturing and distributing pet food,” Gary said. “I guess the veterinarians love them, and their owners love them, but not everyone does.”
And there’s Joe, a Boscawen (New Hampshire) Patch AM reader who said the only place dogs don’t belong is “the operating room.” He also pointed out that “‘dog’ is ‘god’ spelled in reverse.”
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“I will sit next to a dog in a restaurant before a lot of people, including a lot of kids,” Joe said.
And then there’s Liane, a New York City Patch reader who would “like for everyone to take a breath and calm down.”
“Both sides have their opinions, and I think it’s good for dog owners to be responsible and considerate and not overbearing and entitled,” said Liane, an avowed dog lover. “At the same time, non-dog people shouldn’t impose their views on those of us who are dog people.”
Liane finds it ridiculous that neighbors in her dog-friendly co-op complain about dogs in the lobby. Why, she wondered, do people opposed to dogs buy homes in a building that has always allowed them?
‘More Presumptuous Than Rude’
Oswego (Illinois) Patch reader Leslie thinks it’s “more presumptuous than rude” to assume an invitation to someone’s home includes the dog.
“It is even kind of presumptuous to ask beforehand if it's OK because it is an imposition on the host, regardless,” said Liane, the New York City Patch reader. “Even if your dog is well-behaved in most situations, something could always happen in the friend’s home to turn even your well-behaved dog into a crazy character, and chaos can still ensue, or a pee accident to assert dominance. Just don’t do it.”
Many of those making the same argument that permission to bring the pooch along is not implied in invitations are dog owners themselves.
“I never assume people love animals or dogs as much as I do. Unless someone explicitly says they want to meet my dog, I do not foist him on anyone,” said Junie, a Woodbury (Minnesota) Patch reader.
“Even if my dog is invited, I still take into account the circumstances and assess whether or not it would create an issue bringing him along,” Junie continued. “Never assume your dog is welcome to come with you, even if the person you’re visiting has dogs of their own. Dogs can be friendly toward people while at the same time being mean to their own kind.”
Enfield (Connecticut) Patch reader Jo knows first-hand what can happen when an uninvited dog intrudes on another dog’s territory.
“I had a boyfriend that let his dog in my home uninvited, knowing my dog was protective, and a scuffle ensued,” Jo said. “Luckily no one was hurt.”
Woodbridge (Virginia) Patch reader Kay has had some close calls, too.
“I am a dog lover, and I have two fur babies. Just because we love our dogs as if they’re our children, everyone else does not,” Kay said. “I have family members who bring their dogs over, and my male dog does not like other dogs. So I constantly have to watch him like a hawk.”
As much as she loves her dogs, “let’s be real,” Kay said. “They’re not real children, and it’s OK for them to stay home.”
Across America Patch reader Terri said dog owners should disabuse themselves of the notion that the “world revolves around them and their dogs.”
“It is definitely rude to bring your dog to someone else's home without asking, just like it's rude to bring your cat, bird, fish, iguana, guinea pig, or any other pet to someone else's home without asking,” Terri said. “Other people may have allergies and don’t want to clean up dog fur after their guest has left, or perhaps they don't want their yard tainted by Fido pooping and peeing on the property. Maybe they have their own pets that may not get along well with their guest's dog.”
She understands dog owners may be reluctant to leave their pets at home for multiple hours, “but bringing them with you everywhere is not an option either because not everyone loves Fido like they do.”
“Owners can't leave pets in their cars while they run into the local grocery store anymore for fear of the pet dying or someone breaking into their car to ‘save their pet,’” Terri said. “So owners need to restructure their schedules and keep their dogs at home if they need to run errands. It might be inconvenient, but that’s part of being a dog owner.”
“It has become clear that dog owners think the animals are welcome everywhere,” said Spotsylvania Courthouse (Virginia) Patch reader David. “They are allowed to roam restaurants and eat food from tables or be placed in shopping carts where customers place food.”
Service Vs. Comfort Dogs
While service dogs are trained to perform specific tasks for people with disabilities and are allowed in public places, emotional support dogs lack these legal protections. Additionally, vests and online certificates do not establish service dog status under the Americans with Disabilities Act, only proper training and specific work count.
“People should not be able to put ‘therapy dog’ vests on their untrained, uncontrollable mutts and walk all over everyone else,” said Pepperell (Massachusetts) Patch AM reader MK.
Service dogs should be welcome everywhere, said Claudia, who reads Basking Ridge Patch, Bernardsville-Bedminster Patch, Livingston Patch, and Clark-Garwood Patch, all in New Jersey.
Claudia said companion dogs are welcome in many places, for example, local pet shops and home improvement stores.
“But when pets are walking around shopping malls, in department stores or in supermarkets, it is a bridge too far for me — and I am a huge pet lover,” Claudia said.
Sue, a Wayne (New Jersey) Patch reader, has obedience-trained service dogs, a contrast, she said, to the comfort dogs she has seen in grocery stores and restaurants that aren’t well-behaved.
“Most ‘emotional support dogs’ are the worst!” Sue said. “Don’t put them in food store carriages. … I don’t take my two out very often in these situations.”
Branford (Connecticut) Patch reader Jill has a service dog, too. The dog is “extremely well-behaved” but has been barked at and charged at by dogs “that have no business being in a public place,” she said.
Dog Fouls Groceries
Rhode Island Patch reader Sam and Salisbury (Massachusetts) Patch AM reader Beth left their respective grocery stores feeling disgusted.
“I’m sick of seeing dogs (or other pets) sitting in grocery carriages where I may sometimes put my food, and also in clothing stores, leaving pet hair and who knows what on clothes, etc.,” Sam said. “It is actually illegal in Rhode Island for them to be there, but stores say nothing because they’re greedy and may lose business.”
Beth witnessed a dog treating a display at the grocery like a fire hydrant.
“One time I saw someone bring a dog into a Stop and Shop, and the dog urinated on a display,” Beth said. “Of course, the man didn’t report it, that I am aware of.”
Randolph (New Jersey) Patch reader Mark wishes people would leave their dogs home, even when they’re going to places where dogs are welcome.
‘Shedding, dogs grooming themselves and/or putting paws up on people’s tables in a restaurant is intolerable,” Mark said. “You cannot assume everyone is not allergic to dog hair dander. A dear friend of mine instantly has an allergic reaction to dog and cat hair when exposed to it. If the animal rubs up against him, he has to immediately leave to deal with the inevitable oncoming allergic reaction.”
He added, “Getting ambushed in a public place is not fair to them.”
“This has gone way too far, and I don’t understand what happened to society that everyone thinks that we want to pet your dog or that I want your dog’s wet nose rubbing against my legs because they want to say hi to me,” said Freehold (New Jersey) Patch reader Mike.
Princeton (New Jersey) Patch reader Jess appreciates the dog-friendly approach of many businesses, but said dogs don’t belong in food-service businesses, grocery stores, and any space so small that other people’s allergies may be triggered or the animal’s safety might be compromised.
“I have a dog that I take with me lots of places. But I make it a point to not take him anywhere without explicit permission,” Jess said. “I love when businesses have service windows or dog-friendly areas, but I don’t try to impose on businesses or other places that aren’t clearly open to pets.”
Jess added, “This seems to be another area in our society where many people like to think the rules don’t apply to them.”
Fairfield (Connecticut) Patch reader Kathy said businesses that throw out the welcome mat for dogs are setting a precedent
“Once you allow dogs, the door is open to allow all types of animals and dogs with objectionable behavior, both of which can lead to more problems,” she said.
No One Asked The Dog
Deirdre, a New York City Patch reader, wishes people would make as great an effort to accommodate other people as they do their and others’ pets.
She described behavior by pet owners in her New York City neighborhood that can rightly be called entitled.
“Pet owners should always clean up after their pets. There’s too much crap everywhere for everyone to claim they’re picking it up. Lies!” Deirdre said.
“And what’s with letting the leash extend completely across pathways and your ability to control your animal? And why haven’t you trained your dog? Most people have dogs walking them; they’re not walking their dogs. And too many have dogs off-leash, forgetting a sound, a smell or who knows what can put your dog on attack,” Deirdre continued. “They’re your pet baby but not a human. Show courtesy to your species, please. Humans would all be more content.”
Faith, a Toms River (New Jersey) Patch reader, said owners should consider whether their dogs actually enjoy outings.
“It may not be fair to the dog to be around many people and not be able to do what they normally do — walk around instead of being contained in a small space, or sleep if they normally sleep during the time,” Faith said.
“Dogs don’t have a say in where you take them, and it’s not always what’s good for them,” said Virginia Patch reader Dina. “If it’s going to be a problem for those around the dog, then it’s also a problem for the dog.”
“We should not forget that some dogs themselves do not like being taken to strange places and to meet strange people. They find it frightening,” said Mark, a New York City Patch reader.
Mark wishes he could take his dog to places where she currently isn’t allowed, “but I never assume she will be welcome and generally am very cautious about bringing her anywhere,” he said.
“No place should be off-limits to dogs who are quiet and well-behaved,” Mark said. “And that includes restaurants, food stores, and hospitals. Of course, by the same token, the dog’s human companion should be ready to take the dog outside if there is any trouble at all.”
‘A Little Bit Of Grace’
Some readers thought the welcome mat could stand to be a little wider, especially for dogs whose manners aren’t the problem.
New York City Patch reader Danielle appreciates it when guests ask if it’s OK if they bring their dog, and she generally welcomes them in her home.
“I think well-behaved dogs in my house are a joy. Dogs make people happy,” she said.
“I think we should be more like Europe, where well-behaved dogs are welcome in most places, including restaurants,” she said. “I don’t understand why dogs are prohibited from so many places here, honestly. Many dogs are more well-behaved than children!”
JNN, who reads Washington Heights-Inwood (New York) Patch, asked for “a little bit of grace” if the dog isn’t bothering anyone.
“Many people are dealing with separation anxiety and can be hamstrung about leaving the house. If a dog is quiet and well-behaved in the grocery store, for example, it would be nice if people could put their theoretical disapproval aside,” JNN said. “In general, people are not bringing their dogs to places because they want to throw their weight around. It’s a problem with roots in the pandemic.
“Dog owners are easy targets,” the reader continued. “We’re vulnerable because we’re trying to take care of a loved one, and people feel like our hearts on our sleeves in public make us ripe to be picked on.”
About The Question
The Question is an exclusive Patch column on etiquette, everyday ethics and what to do when the rules aren’t quite as clear as everyone pretends they are — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you’d like us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with “The Question” as the subject line.
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