These Things Drive Neighbors Up The Wall As Winter Drags On: Block Talk

It’s not just an irritant for Tewksbury (Massachusetts) Patch reader Dude that the neighbors are slackers and ignore laws requiring them to shovel snow from their sidewalks.

It puts Dude’s life at risk.

“It has been a week since the last storm,” the reader said. “I still have to use my wheelchair on an extremely busy street.”

Dude rightly expects better.

“Apparently, local authorities don’t consider this a priority.” Dude said. “It will change after someone gets hit.”

For the most part, respondents to our informal survey for Block Talk, Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column, shared neighbor habits that wouldn’t be a big deal in warmer, busier months but wear on them in the winter like an itchy sweater. Go ahead and vent, we said.

Just Breathe

We heard from readers from across the country, including many in the Northeast, where heavy snowfall and extreme cold have caused people to hunker down and stay off the roads.

Just breathe, several people said, including Brytt, a Haddonfield-Haddon Township (New Jersey) Patch reader.

“It could be parking, snow removal, trash, or noise-related,” the reader said of things that seem to be a bigger issue in the winter. “I try to give it grace and get over my perhaps picky issue because I don’t know their perspective. If conversation could intelligently move the issue forward, I would reach across and gracefully approach the topic,” Brytt said.

“Just be kind. Don’t dwell on the negative. Kill them with kindness,” Boston Patch reader Neighborly said, adding:

“Trappist monk Thomas Merton offered this compass to guide us: ‘Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business, and, in fact, it is nobody’s business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy.’”

If whatever is gnawing at that proverbial last nerve is that big of a deal, there are polite ways to let neighbors know of their annoying behavior, Woodbridge (Virginia) Patch reader Joan said.

“One, let your neighbor know what you both see and enjoy about the place you’ve chosen to live. Two, ease into conversation about what might be done to make it even better, and finally, take what you agree on to build a united front confronting neighborhood problems,” Joan said.

No ‘Frozen Fudge Bombs,’ Please

Even so, it’s as if some people have thrown basic neighborhood etiquette out the window and decided certain standards just don’t apply when the thermometer dips to a certain level, several readers said.

“This one is easy: dog poop on the hiking trails and sidewalks,” said Branford (Connecticut) Patch reader Patricia, a regular winter hiker. “There are always those dog owners who never pick up after their dogs. In the winter, it is worse.”

That puzzles Patricia.

“It’s pretty easy to spot sitting on top of the snow. Sometimes it’s in a poop bag, but they leave the bag behind. What the (expletive)?” she said. “Maybe they think these frozen fudge bombs are going to biodegrade. No, but I and others will pick them up for you, you lazy, inconsiderate schmuck.”

Hear! Hear!

“The percentage of people not picking up after their dog seems to increase considerably, so the snow is dotted with dog poop every few feet,” said TJ47, who reads Harlem Patch and lives in New York City’s Morningside Heights neighborhood.

“I try to remind myself that, in my neighborhood, there are many older people (and older dogs) who may have trouble navigating even a foot in the snow to pick up that waste.” TJ47 said, adding, “Enjoy the snow for what it is! And be thankful for your warm and safe apartment when others don’t even have that.”

Dave has had enough crap with the neighborhood dogs.

“I love dogs,” the Milford (Connecticut) Patch reader began, “though not so much their human owners,” who let their pets do their business willy nilly in the snow from the edge of his driveway to the curb.

“The urine freezes until a thaw arrives, and the poop turns into solid brown ice, spoiling the snow! On garbage and recycle pickup days, dog walkers throw the dog poop into the bins!” Dave said. “Easy solution: carry newspapers (plastic sleeves), retrieve the poop, and deposit at one’s own home! Glowing urine stain? Use your booted foot to cover it up! Simple and effective! Be considerate, eh?”

And speaking of dogs, Concord (California) Patch reader Argie has neighbors who “keep their poor dog outside, even on the coldest and rainiest days.”

Doing This Saves Lives

Several readers said that besides annoying the heck out of them, how their neighbors clear their snow endangers public safety.

Framingham (Massachusetts) Patch reader Greg is 78 and tries to set a good example, even if he doesn’t think it should be up to him to clear snow away from a nearby fire hydrant. His neighbors go all out clearing their driveways and sidewalks but neglect the one thing that could save their lives, he said.

“Even when the neighbors see me shoveling around the hydrant, they don’t consider shoveling when the next storm comes along,” Greg said. “This last storm, one of my neighbor’s grandsons, a freshman at Keefe Tech, was helping his mother shovel out his grandmother’s driveway, and he stopped and helped me shovel out the hydrant. If he hadn’t come over, no one in the neighborhood would have shoveled the hydrant.”

Greg said he “let it go.”

“I’d have to remind them every storm to shovel,” he said. “They’re into themselves and oblivious to their surroundings.”

Anne Arundel (Maryland) Patch reader CJ lives in a neighborhood where many households have multiple cars, “too many for the driveway; so many park on the road,” the reader said.

“This means whoever the county assigns to plow our neighborhood roads can only plow one lane through the middle of all the cars parked along the two sides of the road,” CJ said. “It’s kind of common sense that if your car is parked on the side of the road, the plow can’t plow all of the road, which is going to prolong the reduced driving space on the road, including for you.”

CJ added, “We just tolerate it, rather than aggravate the neighbors.”

“Winds are stronger in the winter, and my neighbor can’t seem to figure out how to prevent their recycling from blowing away, which mainly comes my way,” Concord (New Hampshire) Patch reader RJE said. “Empty boxes, plastic bottles, paper, etc. I get it all.”

Marie, who reads Narragansett South Kingstown (Rhode Island) Patch, doesn’t know why her neighbors think they’re helping when they put their bins in front of her unit on trash day, but they aren’t, and it irritates her.

“I don’t say anything because they are good neighbors otherwise,” she said

Oh, That Smell

One of the more appealing aspects of winter is the clean, crisp air.

Chris, a Plymouth (Massachusetts) Patch reader, said
A next-door neighbor with a wood stove has ruined that.

“It fills my house with smoke smells even in furniture and bedding,” Chris said.

“One neighbor is always using his fireplace as an incinerator to burn his recyclables, which putrefies the atmosphere all day. I don’t report him because I’m such a good neighbor,” said Chatham (New Jersey) Patch reader Abernathy, who taunted, “But you know who you are, don’t you?”

Oh, yeah?

“Calling me to ask if I’m having a fire in my fireplace?” said Larkspur-Corte Madera Patch reader LoLo. “It’s not a spare the air day.”

It’s fair play in LoLo’s mind.

“We work hard all week, and on Saturdays, we like to sleep in and relax. Sleeping is not an option as we wake up to chainsaws, leaf blowers, wood chippers, and hammering nearly every Saturday,” Lolo said. “One more — I live in old town Corte Madera. Neighbors' driveway too fast down our street and neighboring streets, speeding, speeding into blind corners, rolling through stop signs. Slow down!”

See No Evil, Hear No Evil

When Holliston-Hopkinton (Massachusetts) Patch reader Diane and her family chose their home, it was in a neighborhood with no streetlights and very few homes. Her neighbors leave their outdoor lighting on all night, every night.

“We loved our nights without light pollution, which is why we live in the country,” Diane said, explaining she leaves the curtains open so her family can enjoy the night sky and see the moon and stars.

“We’ve had to let it go, but we shouldn’t have to sacrifice our pleasures this way. We bought the house 30 years ago,” Diane said, explaining she remains quiet because she doesn’t want to cause a rift by mentioning it.

“It’s not worth it,” she said. “Maybe they’ll go away on a long vacation.”

New York City Patch reader Nusi can only take so much with a neighbor’s musical expressions.

It’s “not so bad” when the neighbor plays instruments, even loudly and with gusto, “but add some bad and terrible off-key singing on top of it, and it is the worst,” Nusi said.

“My neighbors are loud. They have a sofa on their porch. The sofa is small, so they sit very close, and yet they talk-yell,” said Carole, a New Port Richey (Florida) Patch reader. “They also have a vicious 100-pound pit bull that tries to attack my 13.5-pound dog by trying to plow through their fence.”

Nashua (New Hampshire) Patch reader JRW hasn’t said anything yet, because it was a first-time offense, but may speak up if “snowmobiling next door in their yard after 10 p.m.” continues.

“Our lots are two-thirds an acre each, not huge,” JRW said.

Don’t Complain, Do Something

Enfield (Connecticut) Patch reader Jo and her family aren’t that thrilled with the neighbor whose outdoor Christmas lights are still on, who is “constantly smoking” marijuana, and who “barely works,” maybe three days a week.

“She’s up all night banging around and quiet during the day. I completely ignore the person and just wait till the day she’s evicted from the condo she rents. It’s only a matter of time,” Jo said.

As a coping mechanism, “my family helps disadvantaged people in our neighborhood with shoveling,” she said. “That makes the humdrum feeling of winter go away and helps us feel good about the season.

“We also bake and share the goodies; we enjoy puzzles and feed wildlife while enjoying their antics,” Jo said. “It’s not all bad. Neighbors can be rude, but you just have to ignore them; they don’t deserve your time or energy when they’re bad neighbors.”

‘A Gift And Opportunity’

“I love winter for no barking dogs, no endless lawn mowing, and no leaf blowing,” Patch reader Ellenmelon said. “No relentless basketballs bouncing and screaming kids. Ahhh, the silence of winter and the beauty of below-zero weather. All that junky yard decor is covered up. It’s a beautiful thing.”

Ellenmelon added, “Let it snow.”

Rosie, who reads Annapolis Patch and Columbia Patch and lives in Oakland Mills Village, Maryland, said she is surrounded by “dear people” on her street.

“Yes, the folks across the street have enough white lights to illuminate the whole cul-de-sac, but bless their hearts for adding some glow to this dismal time with their willingness to pay for the electricity to brighten our dark skies,” Rosie said.

‘And the young new neighbors to our left seem to have adopted us and have surprised us with salt sprinkled on our sidewalk to reduce the risk of a fall that could send us to the doctor, and they cheerfully jump in to help shovel our sidewalk,” she said.

Rosie said the snow has been a “gift and opportunity” for bonding, as we work together to improve conditions and can commiserate in our shared wintry challenge.”

Several other survey respondents said they struck neighbor and neighborhood gold.

Brookfield (Illinois) Patch AM reader Ellen is one of them.

She knows the opposite side of the life she’s living now, surrounded by good neighbors. At her old place in a nearby suburb, the neighbors “never, and I mean never, shoveled,” Ellen said. They even watched from the porch as she shoveled their walks, and didn’t even offer to help when she slipped and fell on the ice.

It’s a big reason she decided to move to Brookfield.

“We shovel each other out, babysit, and cook for our older neighbors,” Ellen said.

“My neighbors are all very nice,” said Al, a Newtown (Pennsylvania) Patch reader. “I am elderly, and they shovel my sidewalk and check up on me.”

About Block Talk

Block Talk is a regular Patch feature offering real-world advice from readers on how to resolve everyday neighborhood problems. If you have a neighborhood etiquette question or problem you'd like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com, with Block Talk as the subject line.

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