Unromantic Valentine’s Day Gifts: Tales From Disappointed Lovers

People don’t always hold back on social media. They speak the unvarnished truth when asked a simple question, such as, “What’s the most unromantic or worst Valentine’s Day gift you ever received?”

No one wants to be that person whose love life is turned into a meme. So if you want your Cupid’s arrow to be on target, here’s some advice on what not to do, directly from people who tell it like it is.

“I told him anything was fine, even if it was just a trinket. He misunderstood and got me a tourniquet,” one disappointed woman recently commented in a recent thread on gift curator JumbleJoy’s Facebook page.

Another person whose Valentine’s Day gifts have included a hubcap and an uncooked brisket said, “Two separate years. Two separate idiots.”

A toilet seat might seem like a gift only an idiot would give, but a user on a Reddit thread from years ago insisted it was given with heart.

“My dad gave my stepmom a toilet seat once for Valentine's Day. He genuinely thought he had the best gift ever,” the user said, adding, “It was the most generic toilet seat ever. Not even one of those that goes down slowly.”

Potato ‘Like A Death Threat’

The thread was full of recountings of Valentine’s Day gifts that missed the mark.

“My girlfriend gave me a pack of cigarettes because I was trying to quit smoking, and she thought it would help me relax.”

“I saved a potato in the freezer that was the perfect shape of a heart. I put it in there in June for February. When I got it out and proudly gave it to my wife, it literally turned black and started leaking juices in front of her. In theory, it was cute; in practice, it was like a death threat.”

“I bought my wife a microwave for our first Valentine’s Day. … She had just moved into her new place and needed a microwave — not sure why everyone didn’t see how thoughtful I was being.”

“Once I ordered my girlfriend flowers that didn’t arrive (or were stolen from the porch), so I gave her the delivery confirmation instead. It was not as funny as I thought it would be.”

A few more entries for the most unromantic Valentine’s Day gift of all-time award come from the BuzzFeed Community:

“I got a T-shirt with a picture of my boyfriend on it that had a poem on the back detailing how awesome and sweet he was.”

“My ex gave me a handful of seeds. He said he was allergic to flowers, so I could grow my own. They weren’t even in a bag or anything; he took them out of his pocket!”

“My boyfriend of four years printed out 12 red roses on printer paper and laid them out on the floor...and that was it. No note, just 12 pieces of paper.”

A Prickly Cactus. Really?

On her Good Enough Mother site, former CBS morning host René Syler offers a few more entries and shares why:

A cactus: “Really? Out of all the beautiful varieties of plants in the world, a cactus? A prickly plant does not exactly say, ‘You are loved.’ Heck, it doesn’t even say, ‘I like you.’ We’ll play Freud for a moment here. Maybe it suggests you’re a prickly person?”

A pet: “Kittens and puppies are so adorable. However, they’re bad gifts for a person who doesn’t want a pet, who doesn’t have time for one, or who is allergic to furry creatures. Pets need an owner who is dedicated to their care, not one who is plotting how to get rid of them.”

Gift cards that don’t deliver: “We’re not knocking all gift cards. If the receiver is finicky, a gift card might be a good idea. But we know someone who got a $20 gift card for massage services; 20 bucks doesn’t get you through the door of even the worst day spa. The point is this: if it’s a Valentine’s Day gift, you shouldn’t have to pay for any part of it.”

Stink Eye ‘Like He Was A Dead Mouse’

While it is the “effort and gesture” that count, the gift should be personal, have sentimental value, and be something the person actually wants, a user pointed out on Quoral

“An unromantic gift to give to your significant other would be something that is cliché or generic,” the person said. “Examples include something as basic as a mug.”

Another person imagined how this conversation might go in real life:

“‘Hey, honey! I know you’ve always wanted a table saw.’
Wife looks at husband like he’s a dead mouse. Seriously, a gift that is actually for the giver, not the recipient, is pretty danged tacky.”

Offering a laundry list of items to avoid, another user started with laundry and other “washing equipment.”

“Presenting cleaning wares might not be the best choice because … recipients might consider it to be a suggestion to clean more frequently.”

Similarly, take a hard pass on giving your significant other an ironing board or vacuum, both “useful but unsatisfying tools,” the user advised. And gym memberships. Don’t even go there “unless your significant other is a fitness enthusiast who specifically sought one.”

When Unromantic Is Romantic

Unromantic gifts have merit, another person said in the Quora thread, although “to this day, I can’t help thinking: worst Valentine’s gift ever!”

“One year, I asked my wife what she’d like for Valentine’s Day,” the person said. “She said she wanted a new kitchen faucet, so I bought a nice one and installed it for her, and she loved it.”

Sometimes, it’s best to just go with it. A woman commenting on Quora said she wasn’t expecting a gift but was surprised when a giant collection of singing balloons and two dozen roses arrived at her office.

“The singing balloons were absolutely ridiculous. Every time they bumped each other, the singing began again,” she said. “I’ll admit, I was tickled he was so generous to me out of nowhere. The rest of the day, I was floating like those goofy balloons.”

Join The Conversation

What’s the most unromantic Valentine’s Day gift you ever received or gave? Conversations have returned to Patch, and you can comment below.

• Related: How Did You Meet Your Sweetheart, And How Did You Make It Last? Patch Survey